Rough Week

This is not my best blog posting… but it’s 100% honest where I am right now… some days I’m strong and can hang on balancing my life while lovingly bringing along the transgender me… other times it’s not so easy.  But I guess we all have a tendency to only write about the happy happy happy moments while purposely averting our eyes and never recognizing the hard times.  Right now’s a rough time, and I’m accepting it and writing about it… and sharing it.  Sorry to anyone who reads this thinking that this is a more inspirational posting than it is… but I think I should post when I’m having a rough time as well as good times, so those who are struggling can see that yes, I do struggle, and yes it does get better over the years:

It’s been hard recently.  I don’t know why.  I only know that I am in such pain because I have boy parts instead of girl parts.  I don’t see a reason to keep trying to stay a guy.  It is just incapacitating for me to stay this way.  I hate my body, I hate myself.  I hate that I want to be a girl, and don’t want to be a guy.  I hate that I feel so unworthy to date girls.  I feel so worthless and ashamed to be even here as a guy in a society where it seems the only things valued of men are temple worthy guys who are married with children.  And I don’t want to be a man.  I just want to be a woman.  It doesn’t seem right when I look down!!! The parts aren’t what they should be!!! I realize that I might not ever be wanted by anyone to date me if I go through with surgery and full transition, but I also realize I can’t function in life all too often!!!  I want to cry but can’t… I just don’t know how to handle this at times like this.  And I also can’t accurately describe how dark and disturbing this stuff feels when I’m at a time when nothing seems to work to take away the transgender pain.  I feel like I’m in a cave that I can’t see anything but my wrong parts on my body, and at that moment nothing could possibly help besides being a girl.  It seems like at those times I would only find peace if I had a vagina and breasts and then I wouldn’t have any male urges anymore and then I’d be at peace with my body and it would be easier to live a more peaceful happy existence.  I would feel pretty and valued as a human being instead of another useless worthless guy.  By the way… side thought.  I honestly feel that as a guy society shoves me down over and over and over and tells me I’m worthless and an idiot just because of that.  I hate that.  Maybe that’s how I’d feel as a woman… seems like feminists have unknowingly or maybe knowingly repressed men now when the only original intent was enabling women to be equal.  Now I feel women are so superior to men that I sometimes hate men.  I also see men as kind of useless… yeah… insights into my idiosyncrasies.

I think that I’m in pain because of unseen emotions but the pain is still very much there… and I feel it acutely.  I know it because I woke up multiple times last night realizing each time I woke up that I was still a guy and wishing that I’d wake up from this bad dream of life.  I forced myself to go back to bed still miserable.  I don’t know how I’ve made it this far without killing myself.  I’m not suicidal like I was several years ago, but I also feel that I’m not enjoying life almost at all.  I realize that I’m just not happy.  When I was younger, even into my mid twenties, I was a very happy go luck smiley individual.  I was just a happier person than I am now, and I miss that.  I miss loving my job, and loving interacting with people around me.  I feel so alone right now.  I think I felt alone with my gender dysphoria in the past but I was keeping really busy with positive productive things, so I was overall fairly content and happy.  I am fairly physically active now, but not nearly as much as I was before… I haven’t seriously inline speedskated in years now… maybe I should start again?

I guess that’s something… I hate my job.  I’ve been working on what I can do to change that though… I’ve had a hard time selling my business though.  I feel like I can’t walk away from it without selling it… but maybe I should ask the question why can’t I just walk away?  I feel stuck in limbo where I am trying to sell the business and find a couple more to start… I also feel stuck in a place where I meet great girls and I’m pretty sure they like me, but I don’t know how to really even do much about it because I’m so submissive and passive about things that I feel like I’m trying to place myself in a female role instead of a male role dating, so I don’t seem to move forward at all.  It’s like it gets only so far dating anyone, and then I reach this impasse.  I can’t seem to buckle down to seriously want only one girl after my heart was ripped to shreds after dating ********.  That dumb b**** never could tell me she wasn’t that into me… just kept letting me get dragged along… I tried to do anything and everything I could for her but could never make her happy with me.  I guess good lesson to be learned.  Never ever date someone who isn’t that into you.  It only leads to bitterness and heartache.

What seems to help?  Kinda a hidden thing… reading the scriptures, praying, being open and honest with both myself and God.  That’s hard sometimes.  I know it helps me a lot.  I have been trying to be honest with Him about telling him when I hate myself or want to quit or am depressed or am in the darkest places… and it seems that He always pulls through at those times and helps me… but when will I pull out of the darkness?  It is so exhausting!!!  :(  I’m so tired of dragging my sorry butt all the time to do things because I’m so unmotivated.  My gender is wrong.  My job sucks.  I have a bunch of employees that constantly don’t show up or don’t do their jobs.  I just can’t take all the stresses at once.  Or maybe I can, and that’s why I’ve made it as far as I have.  I have made it to now, and God has gotten me to where I am.  Or has He?  Have I?  Well, I’m sure there is a God, I believe it anyway.  I know when I’ve been more in tune with Him, I’ve overall been more happy and the other life stresses aren’t so crazy and become more bearable.

Maybe that is the counter intuitive universal truth that we all too often can’t see.  Look to God and live.  Don’t look to God, and die.  Well, maybe not die, but be super miserable and unhappy.  So when the children of Israel looked upon the serpent they lived… if they didn’t, they died.  And maybe that’s what I have to do now… look to God – to Jesus Christ with full purpose of heart to live and find peace and it will come.  But how?  How to look with full purpose of heart?  I seem to read and pray daily but I don’t feel like I’m making much headway.  I do feel peace when I place my overall focus on God and what He wants.  I can feel it right now as I’m typing that that is the right way.  As I turn to God I’ll be blessed.  As I don’t, I’ll keep being lost.  But it seems for me that as I turn to Him things get easier.  As I don’t they get harder.  But I see others who are trying to turn to God and live their transgender lives and changing sexes, and I keep trying to go down that path and can’t do it.  Every time I try to go down that path that seems so shiny and pretty and that will certainly make me feel more whole and put together I get miserable.  I just don’t want to be a guy though!!!  Argh.

Met with my therapist a week ago, and had the hardest session I’ve ever had with him.  We were working on life span integration to work on emotional trauma from the past.  Ever since then I’ve had a really really rough time coping in life.  I think I’ve heard that you’re on the right track to progress when you get into such hard emotions like this… but it sucks.

And yet as hard of a time as I’m having right now… I know things will get better and in a few days or a week or two I’ll be in a much better place because I know God will help me.

Sorry to anyone who reads this because I feel like it’s such a downer post.  Ask me in a few hours or days after I’ve vented current feelings, and I’ll probably be a lot more positive.  Thank goodness for climbing and dancing… they are life savers at times like this…

slightly new but old thing I’m learning

So normally I have a hard time with being a guy… hating it, hating that I’m not a female… hating that I have male reproductive parts… when things get bad I want to cut them off… I want so badly to be a girl.  Why?  I dunno.  That’s just how I react to anything in life I guess.  It’s worse when I have any sort of difficult emotions to deal with.  And it’s challenging because I’m attracted to women.  Is it that I love women so much that I want to be one?  Maybe.  I don’t know.

Yesterday it occurred to me that maybe I am not a girl because I need to be attracted to them and not attracted to myself.  That thought resonated with me really well.  If I’m attracted to myself I end up lonely because I’d be trying to change sexes and be attracted to myself.  …would I be trying to have a relationship with myself?  Maybe.  I don’t know about that one… I only know that it made a lot of sense that I should be attracted to my partner and not attracted primarily to myself just for procreation and to create a real bond in a relationship.  It just makes sense.  Seems like a lot of the gender dysphoria is a self centered miserable dream that is really impossible to fill no matter what.

I’m grateful to have this little eye opening experience… no matter how basic and rudimentary it may seem to others.  Makes it easier to open my eyes up to the beauty of life, and step away from the tunnel vision that has encapsulated me over the last couple of months.  At least for the moment I have something that I can lean on to not transition.  It’s not much, and it may not last a long time, but I’m rolling with it for now!  :)

feeling crazy

I guess getting sick and not doing much with people really really really affected me.  I went this week for the first time since I’d gotten sick and went climbing and then dancing after.  It was really good.  I felt more fulfilled than I’ve felt in a long time.  I went home feeling like I didn’t care about needing to change to be a girl.  I was comfortable in my own skin.  Sort of.  I guess I’m never really comfortable in my own skin.  I always seem to have that nagging wrong gender feeling or desire to be the opposite sex or whatever.  Anyway… back to that day.  It was a good evening.  It was so good to see people I knew from ballroom dancing.  Felt great.  I was happy when I left.

My car gas light was on and I decided to push the envelope and try to make it home… yeah… not such a great idea.  I ran out of gas on I-15.  I was able to start it back up and go another half a mile to get off the freeway thankfully.  I had a critical choice to make… try to go up over the overpass to get gas on the other side of it or go right and go downhill and try to make it a mile to a gas station on that side.  I chose right because I was 99.9% certain that the car would stall at the stop light on the overpass and didn’t want to get into trouble sitting there… so I went right… coasted down the big hill and was stuck at the bottom of a hill.  I was in such a good mood that I didn’t mind walking the 3/4 of a mile to get to a gas station and buy gas and a gas can.  It had been raining all day and evening and while walking it had stopped raining, so it was a gorgeous evening to walk .  So beautiful.  So clean.  So fresh.  City lights reflecting off the clouds… mountains visible.  Just a beautiful evening.  I felt like my body had been stressed a bit more than I should have since being sick, but I felt good.

Anyway, I feel like I really need to be around people I care about and do physically active things to keep partially balanced in life.  I just don’t know how to do that all the time.  I guess it takes a concerted effort to be constant with that.  Something to work on.  I haven’t done well with it since getting sick, and so I have felt lost, really alone, depressed, antsy, anxious to get doing things that are outside even if it’s just weeding the yard here…I seem to fall so quickly though.  Since getting sick and being stuck inside or not doing much I began obsessing mentally over being the opposite sex.  I guess I fantasize about it and then think I need to get clothing… and then look at clothing online… and then fantasize… and that goes on over and over for a while until I give in and buy.  So I ordered some stuff online because I was fantasizing so much I could’t get any work or productive things done.  Then I felt this sense of relief that peace from the obsession would be filled… so I was able to do other things in life.  I gave myself permission to cross dress… so I can get more productive and at least partially fill the obsession… mostly because I know that the more productive I am and happy I am and fulfilled in life, the less I want to cross dress.  So I’m fairly certain that I will be fine soon.  But I still feel horrible guilt about it all… I feel really alone.  I feel like it would help to be able to talk to someone about all of this besides a counselor… but I don’t have almost anyone.

This morning I went to Walmart and bought some underwear and a bathing suit.  There wasn’t anyone around because it was raining a lot and it was early in the morning… I’ve tried multiple times before to buy it but I couldn’t if anyone was watching… then I went to the self check out.  It’s embarrassing to do that.  I mean… I feel so two faced.  I’m church going guy who is trying to live a worthy life, yet I can’t stop myself from buying clothes and wearing them.  I guess the positive thing is that this is becoming less and less frequent on a whole.

Why do I do it?  Today I was pondering that… part of it is because I want love, and to be liked and accepted… today I thought I did it because I liked myself when I think of myself as a woman instead of a man.  Yeah.  I don’t even understand that one.

Positive thing through this whole thing.  The fantasy has been there to be the opposite sex, but actually doing anything about it – ie. going to a trans friendly therapist or doctor hasn’t been something I’ve been remotely willing to do.

I went on a date last night.  I am scared to tell her about the me that is hidden from the public view.  I’m afraid that I won’t be accepted, afraid that I will be rejected like I was with *******.  She didn’t say that she rejected me but she didn’t respond positively.  It was heartbreaking and destroyed me that she didn’t want to help me with it.  She said she wanted to help but when it really came down to doing or acting in ways to help she wouldn’t.  I don’t want that again.  I honestly don’t believe that it was the GID that screwed up our relationship.  I believe that she just wasn’t that into me and I refused to see it.  We weren’t a good match.  I still struggle with letting go of and forgiving her for not ending things and letting things drag on for so long.  I feel like I was lead on.  I’m scared to tell anyone I date, yet I need to start doing that more because it seems to paralyze me in life to be living seemingly in a closet.

Insatiable

Since about the beginning of 2015 I thought I’d been coping well with my gender dysphoria.  I’d make phone calls or dp some jouraling or do something productive to cope when I felt any temptations to change gender.  But then about 3 or 4 weeks ago I started to have the urges more strongly.  I can’t say why exactly.  I just know that I’ve felt the uncontrollable urge that I wish I was female.  That life would be easier as a girl.  I’d be happier, more beautiful, have a better life, etc.  That I am ugly as a guy.  I’m useless as a guy.  I’m a horrible pursuer for relationships.  I’m not a manly guy stepping up to tasks.  I’m good at doing things, but as far as the stereotypical step up or man up guy, that isn’t me.  It’s really harsh realizing these things as truths or half truths.  I feel very inadequate as a guy or man.  Even calling myself a man seems wrong and just doesn’t feel right.  -And then it makes it very easy for me to further rationalize that I should take steps toward SRS and become the opposite sex.  And yet deep down in my heart I realize that no matter what I do I cannot become a desirable woman.  I could get back on hormones for the umpteenth time.  I could even have surgeries.  Yet no matter what I do I cannot BE a woman.  I cannot bear children as a woman.  I cannot have a smooth feminine voice.  I can have a caricature of a woman’s existence, and become like unto a woman, but never BE a woman.  And I won’t want to live as a half woman or fake.  I guess I just don’t feel honest or right about that.  I don’t want to life as half a guy either.  Yet I still am a guy no matter what inadequacies I face.  A full blown 100% real guy.  And I don’t even have to try.  So weird.

So insatiable.  No way to satisfy the urges.  Seems like as soon as I realize I’m dealing with something unfulfillable, and recognize it as something that can never be satisfied or realized, it helps me to recognize that I certainly could go and buy a new dress or other clothes, or I can get back on hormones, or have surgeries, but those actions would not fill the “need” to be female.  They would just be a temporary action that would ultimately appease me for a moment in time until I realized I was not yet a girl.  The cycle then begins again, and I continue to try to be as much like a woman as possible.  Maybe I’m wrong, but can’t there be a way to live peaceably with self and recognize and appreciate the beauty and wonder of women without going through the unachievable actions of trying to be a woman?  I wish I could be a girl.  Yet I cannot be a real girl because I’m a man.  How do I remember these concepts that are so simple for 99% of the population?  I forget so quickly and then am back on the gd path that leads to something unattainable.  So insatiable!  Makes me think there is an element of addiction involved with this stuff.  Yet that is not something that most people dealing with gd or transgender stuff want to hear and are very reluctant to accept.  I just think that there must be a release in the brain with gd that makes it so impossible to just leave it behind when we think about it or are triggered. That’s a whole different thought though, and I’ll leave that for another day.

Summary:  GD is completely insatiable and the ultimate goals that it leads to are unattainable.  Recognizing that is a big key to coping.  BUT- how to I cope without going on a mental gender change binge?  I’ve made leaps and bounds at not acting outwardly with this stuff as often now.  The relapses are lessening in frequency.  Yet I want the inner self to match the outer.  I want the inner me to find a way to keep from needing to turn to GD to cope with life difficulties.  And so the journey continues…

Tired of Seeing Pro-transition Stuff on Supposedly Religious Forums

It’s not my job to receive revelation for everyone else.  I’m only responsible for my own revelations and my own well being, and being that I experience gender dysphoria, I’m responsible for my own gender identity.  I think that it’s great to see people turning to God for their own revelations on how to handle their gd.  However it does affect me to see many posting their opinions of changing genders as being okay.  It hits me hard to the core, and makes me think that all the guidance God gave me was maybe wrong.  Maybe I misinterpreted what He wants for me.  But no.  I can’t turn from that.  These things people post really goes against the feelings I have of what to do in life.  It’s not for me to decide that it’s okay or not okay for people to change genders or to get surgeries or to keep the commandments.  I only can worry about what I am doing on my own and myself keeping the commandments, and if it’s possible for me to get excommunicated for a surgery, then why would I be upset when that actually happens?  I’ve known that for a long time, and I want to keep my Temple Recommend, as fragile as I am, and as weak as I am with my gd.  It makes no sense to even contemplate something that could result in Church discipline if I’m trying to keep my covenants and standing in the Church.  Rather, it leaves me with the assumption that I have to find a different way to cope with things without transitioning.  Again, these are my realizations, and if anyone has received revelations that they should do differently, then great.  I’m not you.  Good for you.  I am applauding your desire to stay within what Heavenly Father wants you to do.  It makes me raise an eyebrow though when I hear people think that it’s okay to get as close to the opposite sex as possible without the actual surgery.  I just don’t agree with it, and it doesn’t seem right to me.  Doesn’t feel like it’s within the bounds of what God wants.  So again, I defer back to saying that I only have to worry about my own gd, and not judge or worry about the actions of others.
I have to stick to the basics.  We’re spirit children of our Heavenly Father and we should be treated as such.  I feel like based upon revelations already given, that I already have enough telling me that gender is an eternal thing, so it’s not for me to decide to change it, no matter how difficult those urges may become.  In my experience Bishops and Ward members are generally great at treating us with respect and do a good job at that.  Those with gd are not any different from any other children of God. We may not have the same weaknesses or stuff other people are dealing with, but we’re just the same.  Made of the same spiritual dna.  I guess what I’m saying, is why would the Church make all kinds of exceptions for the who experience gd when it doesn’t for others?  I’m tired of hearing from the different gd forums that the Church will come to their senses that some are the wrong gender.  It hasn’t happened with any other organization.  They didn’t change their stance on SSA, so why would they say it’s okay to change gender if the leaders have already told us that we have eternal gender.  Maybe I find it healing or helpful to myself to just post periodically my testimony that I am a male and that I am supposed to stay that way.  It seems to strengthen me, and I don’t necessarily think I need to post in the pro-transition forums about this kind of stuff.  Let people who want to transition do that.  Let them make a mockery of the God given gender blessings that He gave us.  “As for me and my house, I’ll serve the Lord.”  I’m not going down that path.  (sorry if that sounds frustrated, because I am frustrated with a lot of the postings out there)

 

My feelings on gid/trans stuff

This was written on December 11, 2014, but looks like it never got posted.  It may be redundant.  I’m not editing it though.  I need to move on to my newest post🙂

It never ends.  No matter how far you go, the dysphoria doesn’t stop. 15 years ago… when I got clothes, it helped.  But I wanted more.  I still didn’t feel at peace with myself.  Then I went out dressed.  It helped, but didn’t fix things.  I still was just as miserable.  Then I tried self harm as kind of a fantasy that I could self feminize myself.  It didn’t help.  It scared me, so I went to a LGBT friendly therapist who eventually wrote my letter so I could go get hormone therapy.  Again, as much as I thought it would fix things, it didn’t.  I still was not a female.  The hormones certainly gave me some peace because I didn’t have testosterone running my life, but they didn’t fix me.  I wanted more.  I began to go out dressed more often, and was determined to become a girl.  And yet the whole time, I became more and more disenchanted and more angry with God, with those who loved me, and blamed my own unhappiness on others around me, and on God.

Then, something happened.  I began to feel really uneasy about things.  It was like God was trying to tell me to stop.  But I didn’t want to stop.  I wanted to be a girl.  And I kept going out dressed, and stayed on HRT.  I felt this continuous nagging feeling that I wasn’t doing something right.  It made things difficult.  I was becoming more and more depressed because of the incongruity of my desires to be female and the nagging feelings that it wasn’t what God wanted.  I became suicidal.  I was so so so alone.  I knew that I couldn’t become a real girl where I could become a mother and bear children, and I desperately wanted to have a family and kids.  I could become like unto a girl, but I couldn’t actually ever be one.  And eventually I realized that God was missing from my life.  Or rather, I was missing from God’s life.  Certainly, He doesn’t need me to keep the world revolving, but I needed Him to keep my world going.  I was so miserable and unhappy.  I look back and realize that this wasn’t something that happened quickly.  It happened over the course of months and years.  But I eventually prayed that He would free me from this.  Or somehow help me to find happiness; -whatever way He wanted.  It was only when my desire was to find happiness and peace of mind in life any way possible that my heart opened and I began to feel the most minuscule sliver of hope in life.  It was when I opened my heart up to God giving me happiness in whatever way He wanted that I began to realize there is hope in life.  Another path might actually exist for me.

The dysphoria doesn’t stop.  It never does no matter how deep in I go.  I honestly don’t think that if I were to have gone through with any surgeries that it would not have helped.  I really believe that.  Now keep in mind, that me believing that doesn’t mean that I still don’t wish at times that I were a woman.  And I still sometimes want the surgeries.  But I realize deep down that they won’t stop the dysphoria.  The surgeries won’t make me happier.  Happiness is not something that comes from outside of me, or what other people do to change my body or my surroundings.  I think of it as a gift that has to be given from within, and only I can give it to myself.  I have to learn to find it.  AND… I can’t shove the GID away.  I have to bring it with me.  I have to learn to love me with my GID.  And I haven’t been able to do it super well in life, but I’m learning.  It’s something I’m working on, and that type of self care helps me so much!  I am able to exist in life now without needing to go out dressed.  I’ve been off of HRT for about 2 years now.  Do I miss the way the hormones made my body feel physically?  Surely.  But I don’t need hormones for me to feel at peace within myself.

My thoughts on GID are that it doesn’t go away.  Yet I can live a meaningful life where I’m trying to do God’s will without acting upon my feelings or desires to be a woman.  For me I realize that I need to stay as far away from the line as possible.  Gender dysphoria is like an illusion of grandeur that is not, cannot, and will never be satisfied.  The devil’s pretty conniving with this stuff.  I mostly feel grateful and blessed that I’m trying to live more as God would want me to.  And I’m not very good at it, because I still have times where I hate being male.  I still have times where I almost throw my hands up in the air and give up, but it’s at those times that my Father in Heaven always steps in and places something really good in my path to help me along, to make it a little farther.

My strongest thoughts right now are that my goals should be to stay as far away from the line as possible. And that seems to be the only way to have success.  For me, I feel like that line needs to be to not transition.  No HRT.  No crossdressing.  No fantasizing of being the opposite sex.  And yet I realize that I have a long way to go.  I’ve successfully

We need a solution based approach in life instead of fault finding approaches

I’ve seen a lot of postings over the past few years explaining the negatives of pornography use or really of any escape type behaviors… porn, drugs, alcohol, tv, texting, overeating, gaming, gambling, and many other things that people use to escape or to try to fill in the void or the lack of real intimate connection with other humans… Most people won’t dispute that being addicted to drugs is really not a good thing in life.  And most as they learn about pornography use won’t dispute that it’s a negative as well.  What’s my big trigger behavior?  Gender identity stuff.  Will people dispute that gender dysphoria is a negative?  For some reason they will…  but for me, I recognize that when I am fulfilled in my connections with other people and feel loved and fulfilled in life, my GID is almost non-existent.  I don’t need to become the opposite sex.  I don’t care about it, and it’s not even an issue.  So as I’ve learned to treat my gender dysphoria as any other condition – like porn, like drugs, like gambling, or like overeating, I’ve realized a couple of different things:

1.  I’m no better or worse off than anyone else in this life. I also have my achilles heel.  For some it’s overeating, over exercising, drugs, but for me it’s GID.  The only way I’m finding to come closer to God is to willing to give up that which is most important to me in life, and then I’ll find myself.  For me, that means, being willing to give up GD and not act upon it, just as someone with SSA needs to be willing to give up homosexual behaviors.

2.  I can’t do it on my own. – Meaning that I can’t get out of it on my own no matter how much effort I put in.  I need divine assistance, and that’s the only way.  This is so simple.  We are human, and we need help.  As we put stake in ourselves, we fail.  As we put our faith in God, He removes barriers and provides a path.  Sometimes an unexpected path, but nevertheless he provides a path and an open door to continue.

3.  I have to learn to love myself.  I personally have learned to hate myself.  I’ve learned to hate my GD, which has taught me to hate a lot of other things about myself as well.  So I’m learning that I need to love me with my GD.  I have to be willing to bring it with me, and embrace myself with it.  Only then can I find more peace of mind in life.

I kinda wish there was a bigger focus on healing behaviors. We all have negative habits in life that are easy to find. But I wonder if sometimes we may benefit by placing more focus on positive corrective solutions? Lots of folks know that our negative behaviors aren’t the best things in life, but they don’t know where to begin to stop doing them… and don’t know that love, intimacy with others, and connection many times are what they really need… or even if they recognize these, they may not know which way to go to fill them.  Why don’t articles online focus more on how to find more solutions rather than always pointing out the problems?  I guess I want to write more about the solutions I’ve found in dealing with my gender dysphoria.  I want to have a solution based approach to things rather than a problem based approach.

Some things that have helped me that I’ll have to expound upon later:

-focus on things that make me who I am besides just GD.  I am more than just my GD.

-help other people – service, saying hello, reaching out to others.

-place importance of relationships about material things.

-place my relationship with God above everything.

 

I’m sure there are other things, that’s all I’m coming up with now…